Here I am, sitting on my couch after I lost my patience. The boys were yelling at each other, hitting and kicking, throwing their toys and not listening to my instructions. I tried to take a mommy time out. I walked away. I sang to myself. They snapped and rather than keep a level head, I snapped too.

Being a mom is a constant struggle between what you want to do, how you were raised and your knee jerk reactions. My real life often feels like it falls short of my #momgoals, and the hashtag is purposeful. I walked out of my room like a monster from the closet, my face felt red and hot and I was thirty feet tall. They ran. They actually ran from my booming voice while I told one to get ready for bed and scooped up a diaper for the other. The littlest sat and stared at me, clearly confused. (I’m not sure he ever saw the momster before).

I sent them to their beds and paced the living room floor.

Then I went into their rooms one by one and talked to them about what went wrong tonight. All of the whining, yelling, the demands, throwing their things and not listening to me. It was all too much. Even me, even mom, cannot handle all of that all night long. They nodded that they understood but I know that they don’t. At the very least they know that they were behaving poorly.

Now I sit on the couch, the momster has gone away and I am two inches tall and sad. I lost my calm and even though tomorrow is another day, today is a day that I cannot get back.

My heart is sad. 

Maybe there isn’t a momster in all of us, but I know I’m not alone. How do you keep a level head when your kids are being extra naughty?

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