You Always Are

As a mom, as a person who loves everyone around me so much more than anything, it’s so easy to be hard on myself. It’s so easy to discredit myself and think that I’m messing up. I think that a lot of mothers have that in common, which is what makes the reinforcement that we are doing a good job so much more special.

Yesterday my five year old came home from school and saw a donut box sitting on the counter, an empty donut box. When he asked for one I immediately felt the guilt well up in my stomach. It sounds silly now, but telling him that there were no donuts left for him meant that if he read between the lines, he wasn’t considered. Am I getting too deep? It’s just donuts. Maybe I shouldn’t listen to Jessie Reyez while writing. Anyhow, I told him that the donut holes were all gone now but I asked him to follow me. We snuck into the pantry together and I pulled the Oreos down off the shelf and put two in his hand. Next came the simplest exchange of words to ever make me cry:

“Thank you mom.”

“You’re welcome bud, I try to be a cool mom.”

“You are, never say you try because you always are.”

*POW* Right in the feels.

I am always cool. Can you believe it? The mom who takes away the Kindle as a punishment and makes him finish his vegetables at dinner, the mom who sat in the bathroom and cried Tuesday night because not everyone would sit for story time. I often spend time thinking that I’m not doing something right, but that little sentiment from my oldest boy and a tight hug was enough to point me in the right direction.

My babies light up when I get home, they yell my name and run to me. They enjoy books, and bring me more, whether they sit for the end or not. I get more kisses and hugs in a day than I could possibly count. And I, am always cool.

And M, I’ll remind you of this when you slam your door and tell me how uncool I am one day.


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