It’s not a game of three strikes and you’re out anymore, this is adulthood and the stakes have been raised.
When I was younger, less experienced and a little more hardened towards the world, I would often say that if someone wronged me I would cut them out of my life immediately. I think that I was twelve or thirteen the first time a friend did me wrong and I remembered all the times that I adamantly told the world that I would cut the strings, but I couldn’t. In that moment I felt like I had failed myself and so the new rule became “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and you won’t fool me again.” Yet, eventually that one also fell through when I found myself in a relationship with someone who wasn’t loyal to me just a couple years later.
I understand that this all sounds silly so far, after all I am taking about tween and teen drama. I promise it progresses quickly to modern day.
Back to the story. When two strikes no longer seemed to fit my life I locked it in at three strikes and you’re out. The funny thing about locks, is that they can still be undone. So who are you if give people a million chances? Who are you if you keep signing yourself up for potential calamity?
That’s the one I’ve heard the most in these last eight years or so. I give people too many chances to do right by me. I get taken advantage of. I look foolish. But I disagree..
I think that it’s tough to tell someone they only get one chance with you and in my opinion a little unfair. As human beings we are bound to mess up from time to time, and making every little thing unforgivable puts a lot of a pressure on someone to be perfect. Family is going to hurt you. Friends are going to wrong you. Relationships are going to have hiccups. It’s a fact of life and if you find that concerning, just wait.
I’ve come to realize that calling out how many chances you’re willing to give someone either makes them uneasy or, when you fail to follow through, it gives them the kind of permission that says “I can do this again.” Instead, allow people to make mistakes and learn from them. Rather then telling someone you care for that they’re on their last chance with you, tell them that you are getting close to your breaking point. We want people to respect our words but we need them to respect our feelings and if you find that someone has pushed you over the edge, it will be easier to disengage yourself.
In the very beginning of this post I mentioned that I was very hardened towards the world at a young age, and this is true. Through all of the crazy things that life has thrown my way, I’ve become softer, less jaded, more appreciative and more understanding. I found a balance in my life very recently that gave me an overwhelming sense of relief. I am trying now to give everything my all, put my best foot forward always and to remember that everything is going to be okay.
I wish everyone this same sense of peace and as always thank you for reading!