I woke up and began like any other day, except today I prepared my biggest little for his first big solo adventure. A day of mixed emotions for the both of us.
It seems so crazy to me that my first born child is already old enough to start school (and is even excited about it). The memories from when he was a baby are still so fresh in my mind that it feels like it was yesterday. As if just yesterday the doctor placed his tiny six pound self in my arms and congratulated me on his health. His first steps still play behind my eyelids like a drive-in theater, I can hear his first words and feel his first hug as if they just happened but they didn’t, and he wasn’t born yesterday.
I suppose I will have to get used to him spreading his wings because he’s going to be putting more air beneath them from now on.
This morning he showered, brushed his teeth and dressed in his school clothes. We had a big, healthy breakfast to gear him up for the day, we played for a bit and then he and his brother wrestled around their room for about twenty minutes before the bus came.
And off he went with a weird mix of excitement and reluctance. He looked at me for reassurance before he got onto the bus, one last sign of his trust and belief in me. I told him to go ahead and have a seat, kissed him goodbye and then I waited.
I waited, I watched the clock, and I waited some more.
When he finally got home he was a little bit tired and the talk I waited all day for didn’t go exactly as I thought it would. Here I had assumed my little boy who was so thrilled to go to school would come home with countless stories about his day but he told me “I don’t know what I did today,” and then asked me for a snack. Of course I pressured him for more details and he finally gave in. They colored, he made some new friends and he is excited to go back.
I havent cried yet and am hopeful that I don’t. I’m so proud of my big beautiful boy and how well he is handling this big new change. I can’t wait to see his creativity and personality flourish with encouragement from new forces. He’s an amazing human being and I know he is going to do great things.
Okay, now I might cry..