I can’t lie, since my last post a while ago about trying to lose weight I gave up completely.

I lost four pounds and was through the roof with the progress that I was making until I got on the scale one day and realized all four pounds came back plus four more. I was still eating right and working out every day so there wasn’t any reason I could see that I was gaining instead of losing weight. I got discouraged. I beat myself up. I quit.

But I don’t want to feel down about myself because of the way that I look and I can’t fix it if I don’t do something about it. My boyfriend tells me over and over how many months it’s been since our son was born. He tells me that he loves me now as much as the day we met and he’ll continue to love me no matter what. It’s not a matter of being loved by anyone but myself though and I’m not certain I can love this sluggish, overweight version of me.

I recently caved and bought some shorts for the summer, they’re a larger size than I want to be but they gave me some confidence to wear something other than sweatpants for the time being. I blew up my yoga ball and researched some new workouts. I even bought an all natural body cleanse, some raspberry ketones and have been continuing to eat right. Next step might be to nix the birth control since I just learned it can make you gain water weight and make burning fat more difficult.

We’ll see what happens from here. I’m determined to get my body back and if it means staying off the scale until I can see results then I’ll do that.