What A Shitty Job

Sometimes being a mom can be really shitty.

Literally.


Let me just remind all of you that my children are two months old, one year old and four years old. Any of you who have had children can surely relate to the amount of poo pies I have to deal with on a daily basis but for those of you who can’t relate I’ll elaborate.

Babies.

Babies tend to poop a lot, that’s what they tell you anyway. Baby A didn’t poop too much the first couple months but as of lately he has been a crapping machine. I’m talking grunting, face making, noisy poops and they range currently between three to five big nasties a day.

Four year olds.

Now then, Baby M has been potty trained for quite some time. He takes himself to the loo when he has to pee or poo and does his business without help. However, little mister never turns on the fan when he goes in to do a number two and he also requires a little help in the wiping department still. Which means that despite his using the bathroom solo, I still have to go near the poop, smell the poop and wipe the poop.

One year olds.

Why not in chronological order? Why save the one year old for last? Because! Because this little stinker still craps his pants about three times a day and has practiced a brand new form of mommy torture that I will call “shit smearing” 9c077be1c3749acc5e3a1f5e303d600bbb33fa5f648344919f8d475b0fdd0deband I’m sure you can imagine what it entails. This morning I walked into the boys room and got smacked in the face with the smell of poop, no big deal…sometimes there’s poop in Baby J’s diaper in the morning. But wait, why is “in” bolded? Well, I’ll tell you why! Because that little stink stuck his hands in his diaper and smeared his poop onto his shirt, pants, pillow, sheets, crib bars and everything else in reach. Anyone remember this scene from Dumb And Dumber? While I suppose this is better than the way Baby M used to hold in his poop for days at a time around the same age, I’m not in favor of this new nonsense.


They’re lucky that I love them so much.

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