We all know that lying is bad, it’s something that is instilled in us from a very young age. Whether the punishment is a call home from the teacher, a spanking or getting grounded we are taught that it’s an unacceptable behavior that comes with negative consequences. Most people carry that lesson throughout their entire life. Some do not.
When you break things down to the brass tax, we all lie. We are all guilty of, at the very least, those little white lies that really show no serious consequence. The “I’m on my way,” text sent from your bathroom at home for example. Or the “it’s okay,” we shell out to hide that someone has hurt us. That’s actually one of the only lies that I believe ever comes in response to discovering that someone has lied to you. Rather than admit that what they did is worthy of a saltier punishment we accept the apologies given and the reasoning that “it will never happen again.” The problem here is, you are letting someone get away with lowering your self worth. See the number one problem that I’ve witnessed when someone lies to a person that they love is the negative impact it has on the person who was lied to.They feel unworthy of honest communication. Their trust level for that other person diminishes in just seconds. This is a time when we see the punishments associated with lying as an adult and the penalties are much higher. You can lose someone’s trust, you can lose a friend, you can lose your partner…
It’s a high stakes game. A total gamble. Chances are, in a friend or lover situation, that person knows you well enough to detect the lie on your face before the entire thing has even left your lips. Lying in itself is a facial expression, you can see it right in someone’s eyes.
But other than the possibility that the person getting lied to decides to pack up and get the heck out of dodge, there are other reasons why you shouldn’t lie to a person who loves you:
For starters, that person believes in you fully and completely. They’re likely to always think the absolute best of you and even if they have some kind of suspicion that you are up to no good, they will silence it for as long as they can. Always reassuring themselves that you would never do that to them.
Which brings me to my next point. You can really make a person feel like a fool. Constantly hushing their inner voice and telling their gut feelings that they’re wrong can prove to be the right decision in some circumstances. In others though, it ends up leaving a person questioning their own judgement. How long was my head in the sand? Why didn’t I just ask? When did this start? Why did this happen? Is it something that I did? How many other people knew this before me?
Problem number four (overall) in this list of things. You can really ruin someone’s ability to trust not only you but also others. They’ll question everyone who shares a tie to you, whether it’s your mom, siblings, friends or even neighbors. And trust isn’t something that is earned overnight, it takes a long time to build something like that up. Maybe you never consider that someone trusting you is tied to these bonds with other people as well, but it is.
The final thing that I think is reason enough not to lie to someone who loves you. Chances are it isn’t the first time and it wont be the last. You don’t lie to your mother about sneaking out of the house once (if you get away with it, you do it again). You don’t lie to your boss about the time you clocked in once (if you get away with it, you do it again). You don’t lie to your partner about doing something behind their back just once, but if you do it again and again and again…soon you will find that they aren’t willing to live with the internal struggles it causes.
Soon you will find that the people who love you don’t feel the same thing in return when it’s overshadowed by lies. That the chances given that piled up on top of each other in the waste basket, most of them marked “last chance,” have finally gotten to be too much. And the day that the real last chance is handed to you, you won’t even recognize the seriousness of what you’ve been given and you’re likely to use that one up as well, only to get punched in the gut with the feeling that this time there are no more chances…