I Almost Thought About It

Despite everything that I have told myself throughout the last thirty five weeks, I caught myself considering something the other day.

Again and again I have told people and promised myself that baby #3 would be the final addition to our family (to come out of my body that is, I’m all about puppies). Then, on Tuesday, when I was leaving work I passed by a shop and in the window there was a tiny mannequin dressed up like a little girl. The mannequin had a blonde wig on it’s head, an adorable headband and the cutest sparkly white and gold dress. Silly me, I got emotional and started thinking about days of brushing golden locks of hair and dressing up my daughter. I was thinking that the 50/50 gamble to get a little girl wouldn’t be such a bad one to take, after all even if we had another little boy I’ve already made up my mind that having all boys is a wonderful thing.

Shame on me. 

I spent Tuesday night in agony. My hips which have miraculously been without pain for a little bit felt like they were getting stabbed from all directions with pins and daggers. The round ligament pain, which also seemed to subside for a bit, came back tenfold and left me unable to lift my own legs onto the couch or into bed without the assistance of using my hands to do so. Laying down brought no relief and rolling from side to side to alleviate the pain was not only awful but next to impossible. The thought of tucking a pillow between my legs for some relief was much easier thought out than done because I needed to use one hand to support my leg and the other to tuck the pillow. Wednesday morning came all too fast after a night of pure anguish and getting out of bed wasn’t without difficulty. There’s something extra depressing about trying to stand up and having your poor, sweet three year old say “Mom, I will help you,” and offer his hand.

Here, I saw a little girl mannequin and I considered for a nanosecond that adding a fourth child to our family wouldn’t be so tough. My brain dropped that message down to my hips and they reminded me why I promised myself no more.


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