There are few things in this world that come naturally to us, that take no effort and no thought. Noticing what these things are is an important step into really appreciating them.
I know I mentioned “a few” things, but there is really only one thing that I want to address in this blog and that’s your relationship.
A relationship is hard work, there’s no doubt about it. In a relationship I think that there are generally three stages, almost like tests to pass.
Stage 1: Brand NEW.
At first everything is peaches and cream, you both put your best foot forward 100% of the time but despite your “realness” you still try to tuck away your flaws. One by one, though, those flaws seep out and that’s where a lot of fragile relationships start to break down. That realization that the other person isn’t perfect is too much for some people to bare even though they have flaws of their own. If we’re lucky our relationship passes the flaw test and moves onto the next stage where the best foot isn’t always the farthest one out.
Stage 2: DIRTY Feet.
We have bad days and now we show it. There’s no more putting on a show. (I understand that not everyone will agree that they ever “put on” any kind of show, but you did. Your make up was always done, legs always shaved, he always wore deodorant and never pooped in your bathroom. That’s the show I’m referring to). We can’t help it, after all we are human but because we’re human the curtain inevitably falls and our true selves are revealed. Unfortunately this is another stage that tends to be the beginning of the end for some couples. We see each other’s bad side: the forgot to shower for two days, eating a pound of chocolate, torn sweats and no bra side. However, if we’re really lucky then we make it through that too and not long after that comes the comfortable stage.
Stage 3: Getting COMFY.
Things aren’t the way they were before and that’s an understatement. No more trying to win each other over or playing the “who’s going to send the first text?” game. You live with each other now and there are more important things going on, like playing the “who’s going to do the dishes first?” game. You fight now and you make up, not just because both your names are on the lease but because you care about not letting them go to bed angry. There are less date night outings, you move in together, settle into each other’s quirks and even, unintentionally, smell each other’s poos because someone forgot to turn the fan on.
I only recently realized how effortlessly in love I am. It isn’t like the movies, there is no “if you’re a bird, I’m a bird.” Instead there’s “I’m going to the store, would you like anything?” and an “I love you” just because.